The Great Corner: Parting Ways

So this is what it feels like, when you feel infinite.

I probably should have already gone north today to the university I was going to after the weekends, but I did not, because it was a holiday. It would only take me two and a half hours for me to get there, anyway so I decided I’d go there tomorrow, albeit my classes starts at 7 o’clock in the morning. I am fond of it. Really.

So, holiday – I spent most of my time today in front of my computer doing nothing, I guess, to mislay the boredom I was feeling. My usual routine – check my Facebook; check my mails; check some tweets of some anonymous people, friends, and artists I follow in Twitter; watch and listen to some music videos in Youtube; read blogs – clichéd my everyday life since summer. And by the way I was reading a book, The Summer of No Regrets, and I wonder how I found myself reading such. It was a love story, and I cannot and do not want to call myself a fan. It was also about lies and the likes about love for which in the book’s cover says: “What happens if you fall in love with a lie?” But anyway, it has nothing to do with this, so I might as well drop it.

As the hands of the time still round the clock, the day was becoming a pain in my arse. It’s a good thing the weather was great – wasn’t humid, wasn’t sultry, just great – because I was planning to take steps outside. I do it a lot when I feel lonely. But it’s not that I am feeling lonely today, I just feel like it. So I took a bath and looked for some clothes to wear in my drawer, and found a discolored red shirt, almost worn out, and a short short. I remembered I have already brought most of my clothes in my dormitory, and all that’s left were those I don’t usually wear because I kind of feel like out-dated when I wear them. But I did not have any choice but to wear them; I only planned to walk not beyond the subdivision we live in, anyway – but to my surprise, I found myself riding a tricycle going to the poblacion (a Spanish word which means “a town inside a town” said my History Professor). I cracked a smile and thought: it’s really nice to apply things you’ve learned from your Professors.

The sun was already setting when I was disembarking from the tricycle, and honestly, I have always admired the horizons, and the colors of the sky, and how the rays of the sun strike through the densities of the clouds. The sun setting, and before long the stars would appear and shine above us.

“How valuable are the stars to you?”

I don’t know, but it was a moment when I realized I was with my friends, and took me another moment to hear what he was asking; then, another moment for me to grasp it. He was asking how important the stars are to me, and I couldn’t find an answer. It was nothing the same as answering a hard and objective question in a lecture or even in a recitation class where you and your nerves aren’t just in a good term, and all eyes set on you – tonight it was just my friends and a stupid question; nothing more, nothing less.

“I don’t know.” I always say that, ending the conversation. But the real thing about friends is that you both never get out of things to tell and talk about, it would just go randomly off of your mouth, and boom! Another conversation has started. We did that over and over across the deepening night, not minding its profundity and the fact that I have classes tomorrow and needed to wake up at 2 o’clock predawn to travel miles from my hometown to my school. Well, whatever, we were still enjoying the night while playing Uno cards and talking about all the random stuff that had happened along with our lives since we all parted and followed the careers we chose and we wanted. Funny, how I smiled to myself and thinking, missing the fun and all during high school days, but now it’s over. Anon, this moment would be over, too.

Come 11 o’clock in the evening, we decided to take the roads to go home. Still, all the random stuff surround us as we walk, and this friend of mine who had asked me about the stars was bragging his blog. We were already turning to a street where in the end we will all part ways and I remembered a quote to myself: “When I walk alone, I want to reach the end, but when I walk along with a friend, I hope it would never end.” But all good things must end, and the better thing is I have felt one of the best feelings I have ever felt – when my friends and I part ways but still wear a smile on my face thinking maybe when this could happen again, and not worrying because I believe we were certain about one same thing: that we will see each other again soon, and again, feel infinite.

Behind The Words I Sing

Para kang asukal

Sintamis mong magmahal

“I think… you still have no idea. The effect you can have.” (Suzanne Collins, 2010) – but every time you look at me; the way you stare and smile at me; those text messages you sent me; the nights in the phone when you talk to me; the things you promised me; the things you gave me; the things you forget to tell and give me; that day when you said you need me – tend me to wish I could not get Diabetes mellitus. You are perfectly sweet even when you do not utterly show it.

Para kang pintura

Buhay ko ikaw ang nagpinta

Fifteen months have passed, and we’re still here holding on to something. I am not exactly sure what that “something” is, though. But I know there is certainly something, because you light up my day with just single letters formed into words, and arranged into sentences and phrases, and magically into painted scenes on canvas. Perfection, that is how I’d say it as is. Your soft hands and special fingers create such pulchritudinous sights into my being.

Para kang unan

Pinapainit mo ang aking tiyan

You’re needless of any effort whenever you walk by, or even the times you don’t see me looking, and as as well when I pretend to be looking for something or someone when I only wanted to see you, to summon butterflies in my stomach. There’s no doubt you are a professional breath taker.

Para kang kumot na yumayakap

Sa tuwing ako’y nalulungkot

Funny, the day you told me you’d be with me at times I feel lonely, but the merciless fate never gave us that time. And just as all my hopes are gone, I found myself sitting next to you as we both take the roads to our houses after 1:00 in the morning. It was then I realized it was the loneliest scene in my life (so far). As the hands of time runs perversely, it’s becoming harder and harder for me to say good bye. For a moment, I was happy. The next thing I knew, I was lonely again.

Kaya’t wag magtataka

Kung bakit ayaw kitang mawala

Remember when I asked you: “Can you come along with me in the future?” I know it sounds corny, but I did, perhaps, just for the hell of it (but it wasn’t that I am being phony or anything). You said it is up to me. If that’s the case, I wanted to keep you forever (if “forever” really exists). But in the end, the choice is yours to make.

Kung hindi man tayo hanggang dulo

Wag mong kalimutan

Nandito lang ako

Laging umaalalay

Hindi ako lalayo

We were about to fall, not more in love, but apart. I hope you know my chest hurts every time I’ve come to thinking about us falling apart. But I spent my days trying to learn the art of loving unconditionally, and unrequited love. I have managed to do so, so far. And my chest hurts less now. I love you, still, unconditionally.

Di baleng maghapon pang umulan

Basta’t ikaw ang sasandalan

Tuesday night, in some obvious way, it was raining hard. Really hard. I was riding a bus on my way home while we were exchanging text messages as I tried not to pass out in the middle of the way because the weather had been lousy on me that day. It made my insides more dizzy, dangling, ziggy and zaggy. I nestled my head on the thick glass windows of the bus imagining maybe it was you. I think I felt a drop of tear rolled over my cheek – left cheek exactly, and I have made myself believe in a quote saying when your tears first rolled down from your left eye, it is probably because you are feeling pain, otherwise, happiness – as I listened to this song which makes me sad, and only worsen the feeling, because you were upset.

Liwanag ng lumulubog na araw

Kay sarap pagmasdan

Lalo na kapag nasisinagan ang iyong mukha

Ayoko lang magsawa

Hinding-hindi magsasawa sa’yo

You are the reason why I like to stare at the silent stars at night, the same reason why I love to see the horizons when the sun rises and sets. I took a picture of the sun setting one afternoon on my way to the mall. It was beautiful, like you, I guess. The silhouette it makes on the clouds floating above the mountains and the mountain itself, as well, was just so beautiful. I wondered why and how I never get tired of them, just as everyone asks why and how I could never get tired of you.

Bahala na, ayoko munang magsalita

Hayaan na muna natin ang daloy ng tadhana